Healthy relationships of any kind will always require a commitment from both parties. So what if you're in a relationship where you feel that your partner has a fear of commitment which is causing them to be emotionally absent or aloof? This can be frustrating and the need to get someone "off the fence" can literally keep you awake at night. Is there anything that you can do to put an end to this torment?
There is...and it starts with understanding what the fear of commitment really is and what you can do to stop feeling like you're in a one sided relationship.
The Root of Fear of Commitment
Fear of commitment is actually not the best term to describe a person's unwillingness to commit to a relationship. Most of the time, what's really going on is that the person has the sense that they'll be "missing out on something better" if they commit. Think about it, how willing would you be to commit to something if you suspected that you might miss out on a better option as a result?
Now for a man, this is most often by the feeling that he hasn't had enough dating experience to really find out what his options are. This creates two problems: number one, many men who never learned to approach women and who therefore had limited options still have the fantasy of the "perfect princess" to overcome. This fantasy exists because the man hasn't had enough dating experience to have this illusion of the "perfect princess" shattered.
However, in other cases, the man truly hasn't had the experience to discover for himself what he really wants, and so he's always feeling that there's more out there to discover. This is not the same thing as wanting to "sow his oats," although many men confuse it with that. This is a man appearing to be afraid of commitment when the initial problems was the fear or approaching women, which led to a shortage of options.
It's VERY hard to determine what you want when you feel that you haven't gotten a good idea of what's out there. Ever feel like your partner is unsure of what they really want? Most likely, it's because they haven't had enough experience to explore their options. But what can you do about this?
Dealing With the Uncommitted Partner
If your partner will not commit to you, the first thing to do is be honest about your expectations. Don't push them, just get it out there and leave the response up to them, that part isn't your responsibility anyway. Next, put a higher value on yourself and ask yourself if this is really what you want. Even if such a person commits, that sneaky suspicion that they're "missing out" will probably come back, and that's where the cheating starts. Attempting to "make someone commit" will almost always backfire. Instead, recommit yourself to what's important to you and to your own life, your own hobbies and things which you can control.
If after this, your partner still doesn't realize the value of having you in their life, it's probably time to find someone who will.
There is...and it starts with understanding what the fear of commitment really is and what you can do to stop feeling like you're in a one sided relationship.
The Root of Fear of Commitment
Fear of commitment is actually not the best term to describe a person's unwillingness to commit to a relationship. Most of the time, what's really going on is that the person has the sense that they'll be "missing out on something better" if they commit. Think about it, how willing would you be to commit to something if you suspected that you might miss out on a better option as a result?
Now for a man, this is most often by the feeling that he hasn't had enough dating experience to really find out what his options are. This creates two problems: number one, many men who never learned to approach women and who therefore had limited options still have the fantasy of the "perfect princess" to overcome. This fantasy exists because the man hasn't had enough dating experience to have this illusion of the "perfect princess" shattered.
However, in other cases, the man truly hasn't had the experience to discover for himself what he really wants, and so he's always feeling that there's more out there to discover. This is not the same thing as wanting to "sow his oats," although many men confuse it with that. This is a man appearing to be afraid of commitment when the initial problems was the fear or approaching women, which led to a shortage of options.
It's VERY hard to determine what you want when you feel that you haven't gotten a good idea of what's out there. Ever feel like your partner is unsure of what they really want? Most likely, it's because they haven't had enough experience to explore their options. But what can you do about this?
Dealing With the Uncommitted Partner
If your partner will not commit to you, the first thing to do is be honest about your expectations. Don't push them, just get it out there and leave the response up to them, that part isn't your responsibility anyway. Next, put a higher value on yourself and ask yourself if this is really what you want. Even if such a person commits, that sneaky suspicion that they're "missing out" will probably come back, and that's where the cheating starts. Attempting to "make someone commit" will almost always backfire. Instead, recommit yourself to what's important to you and to your own life, your own hobbies and things which you can control.
If after this, your partner still doesn't realize the value of having you in their life, it's probably time to find someone who will.
No comments:
Post a Comment