Healthy Relationships - Dealing With the Fear of Commitment

Healthy relationships of any kind will always require a commitment from both parties. So what if you're in a relationship where you feel that your partner has a fear of commitment which is causing them to be emotionally absent or aloof? This can be frustrating and the need to get someone "off the fence" can literally keep you awake at night. Is there anything that you can do to put an end to this torment?
There is...and it starts with understanding what the fear of commitment really is and what you can do to stop feeling like you're in a one sided relationship.

The Root of Fear of Commitment
Fear of commitment is actually not the best term to describe a person's unwillingness to commit to a relationship. Most of the time, what's really going on is that the person has the sense that they'll be "missing out on something better" if they commit. Think about it, how willing would you be to commit to something if you suspected that you might miss out on a better option as a result?
Now for a man, this is most often by the feeling that he hasn't had enough dating experience to really find out what his options are. This creates two problems: number one, many men who never learned to approach women and who therefore had limited options still have the fantasy of the "perfect princess" to overcome. This fantasy exists because the man hasn't had enough dating experience to have this illusion of the "perfect princess" shattered.
However, in other cases, the man truly hasn't had the experience to discover for himself what he really wants, and so he's always feeling that there's more out there to discover. This is not the same thing as wanting to "sow his oats," although many men confuse it with that. This is a man appearing to be afraid of commitment when the initial problems was the fear or approaching women, which led to a shortage of options.
It's VERY hard to determine what you want when you feel that you haven't gotten a good idea of what's out there. Ever feel like your partner is unsure of what they really want? Most likely, it's because they haven't had enough experience to explore their options. But what can you do about this?

Dealing With the Uncommitted Partner
If your partner will not commit to you, the first thing to do is be honest about your expectations. Don't push them, just get it out there and leave the response up to them, that part isn't your responsibility anyway. Next, put a higher value on yourself and ask yourself if this is really what you want. Even if such a person commits, that sneaky suspicion that they're "missing out" will probably come back, and that's where the cheating starts. Attempting to "make someone commit" will almost always backfire. Instead, recommit yourself to what's important to you and to your own life, your own hobbies and things which you can control.
If after this, your partner  still doesn't realize the value of having you in their life, it's probably time to find someone who will.

Dealing With Your Feelings

You now know that negative thought patterns can arise from stress, anxiety, fear or even the past. Crippling fear, unfortunately, hurls many strongly negative feelings your way. But it's how you deal with them and proceed with your thought patterns that make all the difference. Strive to take time to cool down and relax your mind before making important decisions.

One way to know if something is your true feeling is to wait a few days before making a decision. For example, if after a week of thinking something over, you still think the same way, then it's probably true. Of course, you first have to ensure that your mind isn't under attack from stress, anxiety, negativity, or fear.

Healing From Fear

If you find that you're frequently in fearful situations, you can concentrate on healing those feelings. When your mind begins to race, take in a large dose of oxygen. Believe it or not, deep breathing is a signal for your mind to relax and think clearly. So breathe deeply and breathe often!

Also remember that you're not alone. You have people who can help you and you shouldn't feel shy to ask for that help. If you feel uncomfortable talking with a family member or friend, consider the help of a coach or counselor.

Just remember to avoid taking drastic actions that arise from fear. Take your time when making decisions, breathe deeply, and seek the help you need to overcome the grips of fear.

Dealing With Fear

No one enjoys dealing with fear; however, it's a necessary part of a fulfilled life. The best line of defense is to practice remaining calm and ask for help when you need it. After all, two minds striving for a rational solution is usually better than one.

When Not To Trust Your Thoughts

Even in difficult circumstances, you probably have an idea about what is truly right or wrong. However, it's a good idea to try to recognize the situations where you tend to have trouble thinking clearly. That way, when these situations do come up, you can start working on solutions, instead of giving into the cloudy thoughts.

You probably shouldn't trust your thoughts in the following situations:

1. When you're under stress - People often don't recognize how detrimental stress can be to the mind and body. Stress can cause you to make unwise decisions and think too quickly. Stress can take over your body and produce hormones that alter your thinking patterns.

2. When you're feeling anxious - There are varying degrees of anxiety that can affect anyone at any time. When it takes over in a strong manner, such as when you're dealing with crippling fear, it can lead to erratic, irrational thoughts or even panic.

3. When you're having negative thoughts - Sometimes you'll have a bad day or even a bad week. Having a tough time can cause a negative thinking pattern that can cause you to think unreasonable or even absurd thoughts. You may start to have angry or depressing thoughts that can't be trusted.

When you're having thoughts that seem real, but are rather unreasonable, remember that it's not coming from you. Rather, it's coming from the build up and repression of years of self-doubt! , negati vity, stress, anxiety, or even past circumstances. That's precisely why you cannot trust those thoughts!

How to Build Trust Back in a Relationship - Make Love Last

 It's easy to blame your partner and put unhealthy demands on them. You may even think they are cheating when they are not. This article will explore how to build trust back in a relationship and techniques to ensure that you make love last.

Often times when the negative feelings arise, some people actually begin to place unrealistic demands and restrictions upon their partner. This can have a very negative effect on the relationship and can actually begin its end. In every relationship, both parties need time by themselves, with friends and obviously together.
One of the worst things you can do is to remove a person's sense of individuality and freedom to grow as a person. This will only make your partner feel trapped. This will destroy your partners trust and confidence in themselves and they may even grow to think that there is no other way to make you feel happy in the relationship.

The most effective way to build trust back in a relationship is to take a moment and begin to understand some of the common traits of healthy relationships and what it really means to make love last.
To love someone does not mean to own or possess them. This is not loving and is very disrespectful to them. Instead we are simply objectifying them and using then to meet our needs. We do not love that person when we use them in such a fashion.
Trust must be developed in ourselves and our partners from within. If for whatever reason your partner does not deserve trust, then restricting their behavior will not help at all. It will worsen the matter considerably. The person will enter a state of rebellion and will subconsciously and consciously find ways to sabotage the relationship in order to regain a sense of the lost freedom.
Many people come of past relationship where they were cheated on or hurt in some manner and have not come to terms with what happened. As a consequence, they project these feelings have hurt and insecurity upon their current partner. A new relationship will never heal old wounds. Each person must take the responsibility to work through these feelings and realize that their current partner is different as well as the situation and relationship.

There are many techniques you can use to build up or self esteem.   Ones emotionally state must be cultivated each and every day much in the same manner that you exercise physically each day. You need to work each day to become stronger emotionally and build strength in order to fight through the feelings of fear and negativity. One technique I use constantly is to meditate each day on the positive aspects of your partner as well as myself. When you feel the negative feelings creep in, take a step back, take a deep breath and focus again on the good that is in the both of you. This is how you can begin to restore balance, calm and ultimately start to build trust back in the relationship.

The idea with this exercise is not to ignore reality, but instead to focus and be aware of what is really going on.   If you are in the unfortunate situation where your partner does not deserve of your trust or as betrayed you in some way, by you remaining calm and positive you will be able to make healthier and more constructive choices for yourself.

Reference: Brian_Marshon

How to Trust People Again

First you have to decide whether you want to trust the person again - is it worth it? You have to look at the relationship you have with the person who you have lost trust in. Are they important enough for you to try to trust them again and open yourself up for additional pain? The following are steps you can use to determine if you want to trust the person again and they offer ways for you to be able to trust people again.

The first step is to write down the reasons you do not trust the person. Weight the importance of the items on the list with a scale from one to three based on how severe they are. If you have even one item that is in the most severe category you may not be able to regain the trust.

Look over your list and if it is composed of only a few minor to medium offenses they you should be able to work on regaining your trust of the person. But, if the list is long with several items that are very severe you will need to evaluate whether you want to attempt to regain trust of the person.

When you look at your list see how long ago the issue occurred. If an event happen a very long time ago you should more than likely forgive and move on.

Now you should make a list of why you want to return the friendship back to the way it was. You don't have to write this list down if you don't want to just remember a few reasons that you want to keep the this person in your life.

You should understand that even when you begin to trust this person and decide to continue your friendship or relationship again it would never be exactly like it was before. It could improve as moving on from the betrayal might make your bond stronger but it could become worse as well.

Talk with the person whose trust you have lost and be honest about what they need to do for you to be able to move forward. Perhaps all you need is an apology or you may need some other proof that the person can be trusted and give the trust back when you feel that they have earned it. Communication is a key in being able to trust people again.

Time is required for you to be able to heal and you should allow yourself all the time you require. You will hurt but with time you will be able to move on.

Reference: Celeste_Jamils 

7 Secrets to Building Trust in Your Relationship

The first step to building trust is to be predictable. This goes against the common belief that you need to "stir things up" to keep things new and keep the romance alive. Sure, having lunch at a new cafe or giving an unexpected gift can be nice, but most of all, we need things to be consistent and steady in order to make your relationship flourish. You and your significant other have had a falling out and you thought you wanted to break up. But now after some time has passed you realize that the break up was a mistake and you want your love back. Can this relationship be saved? The good news is that 'yes' many times the relationship can be saved. The bad news is it may take some serious effort and changes on your part.

The first thing to do after a break up is to take a little time to really take stock of the relationship. It is easy in the heat or depression of a break up to only focus on the good things that are gone. But in addition to the good points about the relationship you need to focus on what was wrong with the relationship. After all you did break up right? So there has to be some reasons behind the break up. If there were problems those will need to be addressed if the relationship is going to succeed in the future.
So after you have taken some time to review your relationship it is time to make a decision as to whether it is really worth saving. If after reviewing the relationship you are coming up with a much longer list of negatives than positives then maybe it is time to move on. Sometimes really good people just aren't good together. So you need to be honest with yourself as to whether you and your ex really bring out the best in each other or not.

OK so you have thought about it and decided that the relationship is worth saving , now what? One plan of attack could be to just be upfront with your ex. Invite him or her to sit down and have an honest talk about the chances for a reconciliation. Tell your ex exactly what you want and what changes your willing to make to get there. Another approach is to be a little more coy about it. Take care of yourself. Go out with friends and stay busy. Let your ex see how well you are doing. This often will make an ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend reconsider a break up. After all we all want what we can't have right? So play a little hard to get. Who knows while you are out there having fun and living life you might just decide you don't want your ex back after all because there are so many other fish in the sea. Your relationships work. Consider that trust in a relationship is built on being reliable and predictable day in and day out.

Next, you need to make sure that your words always match your actions. This means that your partner really needs to hear the words which match your body language and the things that you do. If you say you are joyful but you are frowning, your partner doesn't hear your words, he or she sees your face and the tonality in your voice. Your partner needs to be able to trust what you are saying. When the words match the message, you build trust in a relationship.
Third, you need to believe in your partner. Trust breeds trust. If you are constantly suspicious of your partner he or she might think you are projecting you own cheating behaviors or other bad behaviors onto them. If you can't believe in and trust your partner then there are probably more fundamental problems in your relationship that you need to examine.

Ok this one should be common sense but, don't keep secrets. Secrets are the fastest way to destroy the trust in a relationship. Be honest and open with your significant other. Things we try to hide have a way of in time coming out anyway so it is better to just be up front from the start. Secrets require tremendous energy on your part. Better to use that energy to improve your relationship and make it stronger.
The fifth step is don't be afraid to let your better half know what your needs are. He or she is not a psychic so, don' t make him or her speculate on what you need. It is not selfish or egotistical to let your significant other know what you need. It is the key to creating a stronger relationship.
The sixth step is going to be hard for some of you but you need to learn to say no. When your partner expresses his or her needs, that is a good thing, but you don't need to say yes every time he or she makes a request. It is better to be genuine and up front when there is something you don't want to do rather than implying that you might do it but then not. Remember we are building trust here so your word has to be golden.

The final step is to never stop nurturing your relationship so it will proceed to grow. When you plant a flower, you fertilize it to help it grow better. The identical is true with the relationship. Open communicating and trying new things together are the fertilizer of a relationship.

So there you have it. 7 steps to help fortify the trust in your relationship and keep it going strong. The endeavor can really be worth it!

Reference: Clair_Bennett