The first step to building trust is to be predictable. This goes against the common belief that you need to "stir things up" to keep things new and keep the romance alive. Sure, having lunch at a new cafe or giving an unexpected gift can be nice, but most of all, we need things to be consistent and steady in order to make your relationship flourish. You and your significant other have had a falling out and you thought you wanted to break up. But now after some time has passed you realize that the break up was a mistake and you want your love back. Can this relationship be saved? The good news is that 'yes' many times the relationship can be saved. The bad news is it may take some serious effort and changes on your part.
The first thing to do after a break up is to take a little time to really take stock of the relationship. It is easy in the heat or depression of a break up to only focus on the good things that are gone. But in addition to the good points about the relationship you need to focus on what was wrong with the relationship. After all you did break up right? So there has to be some reasons behind the break up. If there were problems those will need to be addressed if the relationship is going to succeed in the future.
So after you have taken some time to review your relationship it is time to make a decision as to whether it is really worth saving. If after reviewing the relationship you are coming up with a much longer list of negatives than positives then maybe it is time to move on. Sometimes really good people just aren't good together. So you need to be honest with yourself as to whether you and your ex really bring out the best in each other or not.
OK so you have thought about it and decided that the relationship is worth saving , now what? One plan of attack could be to just be upfront with your ex. Invite him or her to sit down and have an honest talk about the chances for a reconciliation. Tell your ex exactly what you want and what changes your willing to make to get there. Another approach is to be a little more coy about it. Take care of yourself. Go out with friends and stay busy. Let your ex see how well you are doing. This often will make an ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend reconsider a break up. After all we all want what we can't have right? So play a little hard to get. Who knows while you are out there having fun and living life you might just decide you don't want your ex back after all because there are so many other fish in the sea. Your relationships work. Consider that trust in a relationship is built on being reliable and predictable day in and day out.
Next, you need to make sure that your words always match your actions. This means that your partner really needs to hear the words which match your body language and the things that you do. If you say you are joyful but you are frowning, your partner doesn't hear your words, he or she sees your face and the tonality in your voice. Your partner needs to be able to trust what you are saying. When the words match the message, you build trust in a relationship.
Third, you need to believe in your partner. Trust breeds trust. If you are constantly suspicious of your partner he or she might think you are projecting you own cheating behaviors or other bad behaviors onto them. If you can't believe in and trust your partner then there are probably more fundamental problems in your relationship that you need to examine.
Ok this one should be common sense but, don't keep secrets. Secrets are the fastest way to destroy the trust in a relationship. Be honest and open with your significant other. Things we try to hide have a way of in time coming out anyway so it is better to just be up front from the start. Secrets require tremendous energy on your part. Better to use that energy to improve your relationship and make it stronger.
The fifth step is don't be afraid to let your better half know what your needs are. He or she is not a psychic so, don' t make him or her speculate on what you need. It is not selfish or egotistical to let your significant other know what you need. It is the key to creating a stronger relationship.
The sixth step is going to be hard for some of you but you need to learn to say no. When your partner expresses his or her needs, that is a good thing, but you don't need to say yes every time he or she makes a request. It is better to be genuine and up front when there is something you don't want to do rather than implying that you might do it but then not. Remember we are building trust here so your word has to be golden.
The final step is to never stop nurturing your relationship so it will proceed to grow. When you plant a flower, you fertilize it to help it grow better. The identical is true with the relationship. Open communicating and trying new things together are the fertilizer of a relationship.
So there you have it. 7 steps to help fortify the trust in your relationship and keep it going strong. The endeavor can really be worth it!
Reference: Clair_Bennett
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