Intimacy, Happiness and Pleasures

Intimacy starts with the self. It is based on accurate knowledge of who we are- who we really are - and being able to decode and decipher what we feel. Self honesty and having a strong sense of our own identity are fundamental requirements. We also need to feel safe and secure enough within ourselves to be open and vulnerable with our mates, to reveal ourselves as both strong and weak, courageous and fearful, adult and childlike. Intimacy involves trust. We must be able to trust ourselves and trust that we can truly be ourselves with our partner and what they are safe to be themselves with us.

Intimacy in love relationships is as necessary to both men and women as the oxygen we breathe. But can everyone be intimate, both emotionally and sexually? Intimacy is a problem for those of us who have not attained a sense of identity. When one fears the loss of one's identity - by merging with the other person becoming one with them, losing that precious piece of you which you feel is all you have- that person begins to move away from intimate relationships, in friendships and in love/sexual bonding

So we are not as happy as we might be - not in our everyday lives, not in our love lives. And it is not because our lives or our loves are lacking. Rather it is because most of us have lost the ability to fully take pleasure in what we have.

Happiness involves skills for everyday living that few people consistently practice. Instead of taking pride in our accomplishments, we tend to be self-critical. Instead of holding positive visions of the future, we run worst case scenarios, thinking that is the way to be prepared for emergencies. Rather than regularly expressing appreciation to those we love, we find fault with them, hoping to make them "better". Genuine pride in job well done, maintaining hope even during hard times, spontaneously expressing gratitude to someone- these are some of the simple pleasures that can enrich and vitalize our everyday lives, which we do not enjoy often enough.

Reference: Virgogenie_Loh